Sharing My Heart To Share Him

A friend of mine recently told me that she appreciates how "real" I am.  This is not the first time she's told me this and I often laugh and say, "I'm probably a bit too real."  

Sometimes I find myself wondering why I share what I share with others.  I have never been one to air my dirty laundry in public, nor do I intend to do so.  Yet recently I've found myself compelled to share pieces of my life that I typically would not make public.  You know, like the time I dropped my baby, or that I've dealt with postpartum depression after that same miracle child, admitting that I still miss the sweet baby we never got to meet, and that I have been tired at times and willingly fed my children Lunchables for dinner.

Why do I do this?  Do I enjoy letting other people in just so they can see how crazy our lives are?  Do I like knowing that my mother-in-law has seen me openly admit that sometimes I don't readily show grace to her son?  Do I want my mom to know that the daughter she raised sometimes fusses at her grandchildren when I shouldn't? Do I really want people I barely know to read about my failures?

The short answer, no.

Do I know that I am opening myself up to people that may gossip about situations that they have no clue about? Do I know that some people may judge me and think that I am failing at life?  Do I worry sometimes after I hit "Publish" that maybe I shared too much?

Absolutely, yes.

So, why share?

Because of this:

You mend what once was shattered
And You turn my tears to laughter
Your forgiveness is my fortress
Oh Your mercy is relentless 
(See below for credits to this song)

You see, I am a work in progress. FOREVER.  I'm OK with that because although this life is messy, it is so beautiful.  God is constantly mending me.   Always comforting me.  Gently nudging me to be better.  Encouraging me to continue.  Turning ashes into beauty.  (Sidenote:  Read Isaiah 60 and 61...beautiful) Instilling confidence in me to let others know that it's OK to be real.  

This life is confusing for all of us at times.  We face trials that seem larger than life itself.  There are times we feel that everything is caving in around us.  We want to run and hide but we have no idea where to even run.  So we stuff our feelings inside.  We build barriers.  We post pictures on Facebook that have cropped out the mess in our living rooms.  We delete 25 pictures of our children grimacing and scowling at us and post the one of them smiling, while not mentioning that we had to bribe them with candy, ice cream and/or extra TV time just so that we can show the world our happy children. We go to church and stuff some more because who wants to reveal to anyone there that the joyful couple they see was arguing just 10 minutes before over something petty...because if there's going to be an argument it's going to be on a Sunday morning before church (Am I right?).

Can I be completely frank?

Why don't we just cut the crap?  (Sorry that was probably a bit too frank and I do know that I will probably later stress over the fact that I said "crap" on my blog).

Seriously, though, let's just stop.  Stop stuffing.  Stop pretending like everything is OK.  Stop acting like we have life by the tails and nothing ever gets us down.

I am not advocating walking around in a state of moping.  I'm not saying to post pictures of your piles of dirty laundry (literally and figuratively).  I'm not asking you to show the world your children throwing tantrums or to reveal to every person that comes your way that you just fought with your spouse.  But let's just be real.  Let's be truthful.  Let's tell people that it's OK that we fail and fail again.  Because in showing our failures and shortcomings, we can show Jesus.  

That right there is why I share.  It's Him...all Him.  

If I can share some of my experiences in this thing we call life and it draws someone to Jesus, then I will do it a million times over.  If a weary mommy can find rest in knowing that there are other moms out there who have/are struggling but are constantly pursuing Christ knowing it's only His grace that helps us on the tough days, then I will keep hitting "publish."  If someone is trying to figure out why they are having horrible sadness after just welcoming a beautiful baby into this world and can find an answer through something I write, then I will share my heart.  I could go on about my hopes for this blog, but I think you get the point by all the run-on sentences I've already wrote.  (Mr. Wonderful - I'm sorry if those sentences drive your journalistic mind crazy!) 

Right after we miscarried, an amazing godly couple - who wrapped their arms around us in our greatest moments of need - shared this verse with us:

“He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others.  When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us.” 2 Corinthians 1:4 NLT

Isn't that verse amazing?  Since the moment I read that verse, I knew that it was a life verse for me.  A verse to live my life by and a verse to give me life in my darkest moments.  I hope in your moments of need it gives you life too.  I pray in your moments of strength it is your driving force.

Let's share so we can share Him.  Let's love to show His love.  Let's explain to others that even though sometimes life is so hard, sometimes it is so good...not because of us but because He is so good.  Where  sin abounds, grace abounds more (Romans 5:20).  

Ignore the naysayers.  Don't worry about what others may think. If you let Him be the reason you share, you can have complete peace.

I think these song lyrics sums it all up much better than I can:  

Shoulders - For King and Country

When confusion's my companion
And despair holds me for ransom
I will feel no fear
I know that You are near
When I'm caught deep in the valley
With chaos for my company
I'll find my comfort here
‘Cause I know that You are near

CHORUS
My help comes from You
You're right here, pulling me through
You carry my weakness, my sickness, my brokenness all on Your shoulders 
Your shoulders
My help comes from You
You are my rest, my rescue
I don't have to see to believe that You're lifting me up on Your shoulders 
Your shoulders

You mend what once was shattered
And You turn my tears to laughter
Your forgiveness is my fortress
Oh Your mercy is relentless 

My help is from You
Don't have to see it to believe it
My help is from you
Don't have to see it, ‘cause I know, ‘cause I know it's true


Writer(s): Luke Smallbone / Joel Smallbone / Ben Glover / Tedd Tjornhom