Thursday, August 24, 2017

The Rocks Won't Cry Out On My Behalf

My seven-year-old has been singing "If I had no voice, If I had no tongue, I would dance for You like the rising sun" for days now. I thought maybe it was due to the upcoming eclipse, but the eclipse passed and she's still singing it. She even drew a picture of someone dancing with no tongue (yeah, I don't know...her six-year-old brother thought it was hilarious).

The song is catchy and I've found myself singing it at random times this week as well. With more frequency now that "Total Eclipse of the Heart" is not as fun to sing. Something about the words have made me feel like a bit of a hypocrite, though. Do I praise Him enough? Praise and Worship music is a big thing in this family. We have nightly jam sessions/dance parties. We play it at home. It's always on in the car. My two sons scream passionately sing songs with words like "I've seen You move, You move the mountains and I believe I'll see you do it again," "We will not be moved when the earth gives way, for the Risen One has overcome" and "He'll see me through like before, He is Lord, He is Lord." (Yes, they have a slight Elevation Worship obsession right now which is much more tolerable than their "Maui, It's time to kick your hiney" obsession...Thank you, Moana). My two-year-old doesn't even comprehend what he is truly singing, but you better believe he can lift his hands in praise with the best of them. Yes, from the outside looking in, my husband and I have done a decent job infiltrating our lives with praises to our King.

So why have the words my sweet girl has been singing made me feel guilty? Why does a twinge of shame well up every time I catch myself humming along? Why does the verse about rocks crying out to Him if we withhold praise make me wonder when the rocks that sit in a decorative container on our kitchen table will start singing?

Like much that I don't want to deal with because I already know the answers, I've dismissed my questions to process at a more convenient time. You know, when all three kids are sleeping at the same time and I'm still alert enough to think, the laundry is caught up and the house is spic and span...so pretty much, never. But as those lyrics have remained in our house, the questions have also remained.

So because I often choose to be gut-wrenchingly honest on a blog that the world can read, here's the truth. I am REALLY good at voicing praises to God and can do so with repetition without even thinking about it (much like everyone can who was raised on '90s praise and worship church songs). I can quote Bible verses about His praise being continually on my mouth and giving thanks to Him for His love endures forever. When my children argue, I often make them apologize, say something nice to each other and then thank Jesus for their sibling. All that's good, but do I REALLY praise God? Do my actions thank Him when I'm upset and sulking because something in my life isn't going my way? Am I worshiping Him when I decide to reach over my Bible for the second, third, fourth day in a row and grab the remote because I just don't "feel" like reading His promises? Am I applauding Him when I look to man for comfort instead of running first to Him?

It is so easy to get into a routine of doing something but not really putting forth the effort to do it well. I have certain workout routines that I know will allow me to check off the box without using too much energy. If I don't really want to deal with sticking to my new and still evolving daily laundry routine, I wash and dry a load of the biggest items I can find because it's less to fold and put away. I put sandwiches on my menu plan so I can still say I planned dinner but it takes little work to actually make. While shortcuts are good at times, it's when my workouts have basically only been stretching all week, my family has twenty-five blankets to choose from but no unmentionables to wear, or are eating peanut butter sandwiches for dinner for the fifth night in a row, that the shortcut becomes a problem. Lately, I've approached praise with about as much effort as the above. I've just been going through the motions to check off a box. Read a few verses...check! Said a quick prayer...check! Thanked God for a couple things...check! But now I find myself worried about all the things and getting irritated over the silliest issues and I can't figure out why I'm so anxiety-filled??

Friends, we were made to praise Him! To really praise Him. To focus on His goodness when we're tempted to dwell on the badness of this world. It's impossible to stay angry at my husband over something when I start thanking God for him. I can't stay down in the dumps for long when - despite what is weighing me down - I lift up my hands in wholehearted worship to our King. It's a lot easier to not honk at the person who is driving like a maniac when I start to pray for her to get to the hospital safely because God knows that must be where she is heading driving like that. :) So today I'm practicing praising in all things. Focusing on Him, not me. We were created for praise and there's no way rocks in my kitchen will start to praise in my place.

It's fitting that all three kids just started singing this as I end:

"Your love is breaking out just like an echo, I feel it breaking out just like an echo....An echo in my soul."

May His love echo in your soul today as you praise His name!

*And a pic of my littlest praising Jesus a few months ago even though he was sick.




Friday, August 18, 2017

Lead Me To The Rock

Fists clenched, he lays stiffly on the ground.  His little body refusing to release any tension he feels.  His head pounds the carpet while he wails and I wonder if this toddler of mine will ever learn that banging his head on objects never ends well.   I watch as his sibling - the initiator of this tantrum - tries to appease him.  The toddler screams "NO!" and moves further away.  I call him to me.  "Gideon, come see Mama." Again he screams "NO!"  

Still, I know what he needs IS his mama.  It's late.  He's tired.  He just needs to be held and assured that it's all OK.  

I walk over to him and he jerks away.  I wait.  He screams.  Kicks. Flails.  Finally he glances my way.  He is ready to be helped. I happily oblige and hug him close.  "It's OK, buddy.  I've got you.  I love you, sweet boy.  You can calm down.  Everything is OK."  And with that, his fists loosen, his crying ceases and he snuggles in...resting in the arms of the one who loves him.

Yesterday morning - at an hour way too early to be awake - I woke up with this on my mind:
Psalm 61:1-4
Hear my cry, O God;
Attend to my prayer.
From the end of the earth I will cry to You,
When my heart is overwhelmed;
Lead me to the rock that is higher than I.
For You have been a shelter for me,
A strong tower from the enemy.
I will abide in Your tabernacle forever;
I will trust in the shelter of Your wings. 

I tried to let the words sink in.  "How do I get there, God?  How can I really feel like I am on that rock that is higher than I?  How can I be in the shelter of your wings?" Later that morning, a dear friend shared that she was struggling with worry and anxiety, so I shared the verses.  They encouraged her and I thought maybe that passage was just meant for me to remember so that I could share with her.  Maybe I was just the messenger.  Still, those scriptures and questions lingered in my mind throughout the day.

As I watched my toddler and his tantrum that night, it all made sense and my questions were answered.  Much like my little guy couldn't seem to make his way to me when that's what he really needed, I tend to do the same with God.  Life gets tough and I pray, but I don't always dwell in His presence. I am not good at the "being still, and knowing." I don't allow Him to soothe me.  I fight it because I'm angry or tired or succumbing to 53 different emotions all at once.

And in this Psalm, David is where I am at times.  Overwhelmed.  Crying out to God.  Wanting help, but not knowing how to receive it.  So what does he do?  David asks to be led.  

I'm quick to cry out, but not always good at allowing God to lead me into His presence.  He waits with arms ready, longing to comfort, but I must first stop jerking away.  I have to release my control and let Him draw me in to Him.  And when He does, just like David, I am able to recognize His strength.  I am able to dwell in His arms and trust in the shelter of His wings.  It starts first with a cry and then a willingness to allow Him to truly work, but when I do that, the weight of this world is no longer mine, but His.

And a picture of the cutie with the temper like his mama's. Yes, we're both a work in progress.