Saturday, March 24, 2018

The Christian Life Cycle

Groggy from a late night of basketball watching (aka: being a supportive wife during March Madness), I pick up my devotion book, Jesus Calling by Sarah Young.

"There is a time in your life when you must learn to let go: of loved ones, of possessions, of control."

I stop reading. Those words...so wise. The follow through...so difficult.

How do we let go of the things we were once attached to deeply?  

How do we say, "God, this situation is yours, not mine?"

How do we let our hearts reject the rejection that we feel?

How do we let the constant reminders not be a source of pain?

How do we overcome a situation that has left our once rose-tainted glasses completely shattered as our vision blurs with tears?

I had the opportunity to be in a car by myself for a couple hours last night. As a mom of three littles, I can say that this rarely happens. Since I had just been in the van with all three children for the same amount of time, I was excited for the quiet and yet missing the noise all at the same time. 

Excited, yet missing.

Happy, yet melancholy.

A paradox of life really.

We can be in a season of great joy, yet in one of great pain. We can find ourselves grieving losses, yet celebrating arrivals. We can fear staying the same, yet still fear change. We can have growth in one area, yet experience failure in another.

For this girl who has realized that I do much better focusing on one task at a time than trying to do five things at once, this simultaneous myriad of emotions annoys me and can leave me feeling overwhelmed.

Here's the thing I'm learning: I become what I dwell on. 

I love to declutter my home regularly. If I ever need inspiration, I watch a few minutes of Hoarders and in no time I have bags of stuff to donate and get out of my house. It is so freeing dropping all the bags off, knowing that our "junk" will be someone else's treasure. 

Yet, how often do I actually declutter my mind? How often do I take all my thoughts to God and say, "Can You take these off my hands? Can my junk be turned into treasures for Your glory? Can You restore this situation into something beautiful? Can You help me sift through the thoughts that I just need to trash so that I can make more room for dwelling on You?"

I don't want to be a hoarder of emotions that are clogging up my thought life and preventing me from living an abundant, grace-filled life.  

Christian author Ann Voskamp tells of a conversation she had on an airplane with a rabbi:

"'You know how we all want more?' He holds up the full-to-the-top water bottle in front of me. 'Look at this. You can't have more unless you pour out. You can only receive more as you pour yourself out.'" 

So I'm pouring myself out to Him and letting the One who will never fail me, fill me. As I give Him my burdens, I am free to focus on His love. As His love fills me, I can pour it out to others for His glory. And, repeat.

It's a constant give and take, release and receive. It's the true cycle of the Christian life.

I continue reading my devotion and these words speak straight to this broken, yet whole heart:

"The One who never leaves you is the same One who never changes: I am the same yesterday, today and forever. As you release more and more things into My care, remember that I never let go of your hand. Herein lies your security, which no one and no circumstance can take from you."