Did you know? Do you know?

You have a way at gazing into my eyes as if you're looking into my soul. Sometimes I wonder if you know.

Do you?  Do you know how much I needed you?  Did you know that your entrance into the world would be a sign of how God restores?  How He makes beauty out of ashes?  Did you know that I would hold you in my arms for the first time and suddenly the suffering and pain that came before you would fade away as I kissed your sweet head?

Did you know that when people heard of your arrival that tears of thanksgiving would fall from the very eyes that shed tears of grief for us less than a year before?  Did you know that you would be greeted with smiles of pure joy when eyes beheld you for the first time?

Did you know that God would use you to teach your mama so many lessons your first year of life?  Did you know that I would hold you and cry tears of agony because I was overcome by postpartum depression?  Did you know that you would be one of the reasons I kept going and didn't let myself sink into complete despair?  

Did you know that the four - yes, four - times you woke up each night for your first 10 months of life were designed by God to get me up so that He could speak to me in the silence?  Did you??

Did you know that the smile you gave me while I held you in the ER after dropping you would be like a salve for my broken heart?  Did you know that your fast-paced development would soothe it even more?

 Did you know that I needed to hit the bottom so that I would be forced to look up?  That I would have to learn that there was nothing in life that I could do well without allowing God to lead me?  Did you know that I would have to go into my closet and drop to my face and plead with God to help me? 

Do you know that He answered?  Do you know that I am changed?  Can you see it?  Do you realize that I am not the same person I was a year ago?  Do you know that He is holding my hand and guiding me with every step because I now want and accept His help?  Do you see how He rescued me?  Do you??

Do you know that you are considered a rainbow baby - a term used for a baby that comes after a loss?  Do you know that you are my rainbow baby?  Do you know it's not really because of the loss of your sibling, but because your entire life God has shown me how He keeps His promises through every storm?

Do you know that your name means "mighty warrior?". Do you know that God used you to teach me that I am a warrior because of Him?

Do you know that you are a gift?  Do you know that I would not trade you for anything?  Do you know that I love you more than words could ever adequately express?  Do you??

Do you know that the very things that God has shown me about me is true for you?  Do you know that I pray every day that you come to know Him and love Him with everything you have in you?  Do you know He is a mountain mover?  Do you know you can trust Him with your life?  Do you know you are kept?  Do you???

Sweet Gideon, in less than 48 hours you will be one.  My prayer is that the very same hands that reach out to me will one day reach up to Him.  I pray that you will move as fast towards Him as you do to your daddy.  I pray that your eyes will light up for Him the way they do for your brother.  I pray that you will get the same look of contentment on your face when you pray to Him as you do when you hug your sister.  I pray the mischievous nature you have will one day be used to help people that others cannot.  I pray that our little mighty warrior will grow up to be a mighty warrior for Jesus.

Do you know that I am sure that you will?  Do you??

Do you know that I typed this while you slept in the car?  Do you know that you just woke up and started clapping?  Do you know what song you are clapping to?  "Your love never fails, it never gives up, it never runs out on me..."

Tear filled eyes look up to the blue sky and all I can say is "Thank you, Jesus.". Because you may not have known, but He did.  You do not know what's to come, but He does.  And, sweet boy, His love didn't fail me and it will not fail you.