I had just listened to a powerful and inspiring testimony on the radio about daily giving God our pain and asking Him to, in return, give us all that He wanted to for that day when her message popped into my inbox. Wisdom, advice, necessary - yet gentle - chastising, concern all rolled into one.
One statement jumped out at me. She called this a gift. I had to reread her words. A gift??? What kind of Giver gifts pain? Despair? Turmoil that feels so thick the very air around you feels weighted?
There was a time I would have rolled my eyes and dismissed what she said, but something about what I had just heard on the radio and what she had just wrote stuck with me.
I wrote this post days before...the one where I was beginning to "taste and see" His goodness. Then more happened. More pain. More defeat. My focus was lost. Bitterness abounded when praying ceased.
A couple days earlier - out of desperation, perhaps - I opened the pages to a book called "Every Bitter Thing is Sweet" by Sara Hagerty. It's as if this book was written just for me, just for this time. Precious words by a precious person who has truly learned that "the pain of life, against God's Word and whispers, comes to look like opportunity." Little did I know that in the opening of this book, God was opening my heart.
I reread the words in my inbox again: "You may not like the gift, but it is what the Lord has chosen for you during this season."
"OK, God, if this is a gift, can you show me how to use it?" I prayed.
Later that day, I read this statement in the book that I was beginning to treasure: "Each blow has a treasure of Him, hidden deep made for our searching out." More confirmation of this "gift."
Throughout the next several hours, revelations kept coming: Words read. Prayers prayed. Realizations of areas in my own life that needed fixed. Forgiveness requested and granted from the very same Giver of all this pain. My grip was loosening...letting go of things that I had held onto tightly for far too long. I started searching my Bible to learn more about God and who He is simply so that I can adore Him and converse with Him differently...allowing Him to truly be my Daddy...allowing Him to draw me in.
Not only was I doing my part, but other people were being obedient to His wooing. Prayers were being prayed for Jared and I by others to the point that the other night we could literally feel that others were crying out on our behalf.
Then a real cry early this morning jolted me from my sleep. Just one cry from the one whose name means "Mighty Warrior." As I listened to see if he needed attending to, there was silence. Now, I was wide awake in a silent house. I knew, God - the ultimate warrior - had used my little guy to wake me up to spend time with Him.
I prayed a very candid prayer before opening my Bible. A prayer requesting His guidance in an area that I refused to release because of my own anger.
I opened my Bible and read the first thing I saw...a footnote that said, "Don't waste your life by selecting an inferior purpose that has no lasting value."
Hmmm...was this meant for me? Was His answer once again coming swiftly? Was He telling me to let go? To not let my anger prevent me from something I need to do?
I read the verses of the Psalm (Psalm 144) that was attached to the footnote:
2
I stopped.
Ok, so God, you train my hands for war...my fingers for battle. You equip me to fight (prepare me mentally for the task). You qualify/establish/train me for battle. Not against people, but against the enemy who wants to destroy me. This is awesome, but I kind-of know that. I am a fighter by nature.
Here, though, is where the real revelation came: Not only does He equip me for battle, He equips me for rescue. Loving rescue that comes from Him, so that I can take refuge (shelter, protection, safety) IN Him.
It's not always easy to allow myself to be rescued. I'm strong-willed to a fault. But God, who knows how I am and just what I need, was preparing me for this moment for days in advance. He was preparing me for my rescue.
With a humble and sincere heart, I accepted His aid.
For the first time since this whole ordeal started several weeks ago, I was able to pray blessings over the people involved. In fact, not just blessings, but sincere, "my heart breaks for them" prayers.
And, that, my friends, is the gift.
Psalm 144:15 - Joyful indeed are those whose God is the Lord.
One statement jumped out at me. She called this a gift. I had to reread her words. A gift??? What kind of Giver gifts pain? Despair? Turmoil that feels so thick the very air around you feels weighted?
There was a time I would have rolled my eyes and dismissed what she said, but something about what I had just heard on the radio and what she had just wrote stuck with me.
I wrote this post days before...the one where I was beginning to "taste and see" His goodness. Then more happened. More pain. More defeat. My focus was lost. Bitterness abounded when praying ceased.
A couple days earlier - out of desperation, perhaps - I opened the pages to a book called "Every Bitter Thing is Sweet" by Sara Hagerty. It's as if this book was written just for me, just for this time. Precious words by a precious person who has truly learned that "the pain of life, against God's Word and whispers, comes to look like opportunity." Little did I know that in the opening of this book, God was opening my heart.
I reread the words in my inbox again: "You may not like the gift, but it is what the Lord has chosen for you during this season."
"OK, God, if this is a gift, can you show me how to use it?" I prayed.
Later that day, I read this statement in the book that I was beginning to treasure: "Each blow has a treasure of Him, hidden deep made for our searching out." More confirmation of this "gift."
Throughout the next several hours, revelations kept coming: Words read. Prayers prayed. Realizations of areas in my own life that needed fixed. Forgiveness requested and granted from the very same Giver of all this pain. My grip was loosening...letting go of things that I had held onto tightly for far too long. I started searching my Bible to learn more about God and who He is simply so that I can adore Him and converse with Him differently...allowing Him to truly be my Daddy...allowing Him to draw me in.
Not only was I doing my part, but other people were being obedient to His wooing. Prayers were being prayed for Jared and I by others to the point that the other night we could literally feel that others were crying out on our behalf.
Then a real cry early this morning jolted me from my sleep. Just one cry from the one whose name means "Mighty Warrior." As I listened to see if he needed attending to, there was silence. Now, I was wide awake in a silent house. I knew, God - the ultimate warrior - had used my little guy to wake me up to spend time with Him.
I prayed a very candid prayer before opening my Bible. A prayer requesting His guidance in an area that I refused to release because of my own anger.
I opened my Bible and read the first thing I saw...a footnote that said, "Don't waste your life by selecting an inferior purpose that has no lasting value."
Hmmm...was this meant for me? Was His answer once again coming swiftly? Was He telling me to let go? To not let my anger prevent me from something I need to do?
I read the verses of the Psalm (Psalm 144) that was attached to the footnote:
"Praise the Lord, who is my rock.
He trains my hands for war
and gives my fingers skill for battle."
"He is my loving ally and my fortress
He is my shield, and I take refuge in him."
"Reach down from heaven and rescue me;
rescue me from deep waters,
from the power of my enemies."
I stopped.
Ok, so God, you train my hands for war...my fingers for battle. You equip me to fight (prepare me mentally for the task). You qualify/establish/train me for battle. Not against people, but against the enemy who wants to destroy me. This is awesome, but I kind-of know that. I am a fighter by nature.
Here, though, is where the real revelation came: Not only does He equip me for battle, He equips me for rescue. Loving rescue that comes from Him, so that I can take refuge (shelter, protection, safety) IN Him.
It's not always easy to allow myself to be rescued. I'm strong-willed to a fault. But God, who knows how I am and just what I need, was preparing me for this moment for days in advance. He was preparing me for my rescue.
With a humble and sincere heart, I accepted His aid.
For the first time since this whole ordeal started several weeks ago, I was able to pray blessings over the people involved. In fact, not just blessings, but sincere, "my heart breaks for them" prayers.
And, that, my friends, is the gift.
Psalm 144:15 - Joyful indeed are those whose God is the Lord.
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