I often write to process my feelings. This time, I've stared at an empty screen at least half a dozen times, knowing this moment should be shared, but how? How do I celebrate the milestones that also leaves me feeling so deeply the stings of the slap marks from "time?" Time...it just goes so fast. The words...they come much slower.
Then, last night, I read this...
"Our fall is always first a failure to give thanks." - Ann Voskamp
Maybe...maybe the words can't come because I haven't given thanks enough. Have I been truly appreciative in this journey? Am I overflowing with gratitude? Am I remembering that it is "good to give thanks to the Lord?" (Psalm 92:1)
So, I write with a humble heart. A heart full of gratitude, because this is all good. Even when it tastes so bittersweet. Even when the milestones mean my children are growing a little more independent, not necessarily needing me less, but needing me differently. Will I ever be able to freely walk a child into a milestone knowing that when we walk out of it, we will all be somewhat changed? Yet, isn't that what parenting is all about? While we reflect on the journey from one milestone to another, isn't it good for parents to give thanks for it all?
This school year...wow, this school year was tough. The letting go was not easy...for me or for sweet girl. Sometimes she would shed tears before or during drop-off. Sometimes my tears stayed hidden until she was out of sight, then spilled onto my face as I begged God to ease her mind...and mine. Every time, He did.
God gave my sweet girl some really good days. Days that made her squeal with delight when retelling details of things she learned, songs she sang, friends with whom she played. Days where I was shocked at just how kind she could be to others. Days where I would throw up my hands in praise and thank Him for His goodness.
He allowed her to experience some not so great days. Days where she could barely get into the car before the tears fell from her eyes. Days where she just missed her family. Days where she didn't want to do this learning thing anymore. Days where I would drop to my knees in prayer, begging God to help her heart.
On the good days, we prayed. On the bad days, we prayed. On the ordinary, not all that exciting days, we prayed. He never left her side.
He gently guided as I pondered (over and over and over and over) pulling her out of school and homeschooling. He helped her make friends as I consistently cried out to Him during her recess time for two solid weeks. He held her in His hands when I could not hold her in mine.
This morning, she will march with her classmates into a crowded gymnasium. Her proud eyes will search the crowd until she finds ours. I will fail at trying not to cry. Her Daddy will beam. The oldest little brother will longingly look at the stage while imagining getting to do the very same thing in one short year. The littlest brother...hopefully, he will sleep.
Then, last night, I read this...
"Our fall is always first a failure to give thanks." - Ann Voskamp
Maybe...maybe the words can't come because I haven't given thanks enough. Have I been truly appreciative in this journey? Am I overflowing with gratitude? Am I remembering that it is "good to give thanks to the Lord?" (Psalm 92:1)
So, I write with a humble heart. A heart full of gratitude, because this is all good. Even when it tastes so bittersweet. Even when the milestones mean my children are growing a little more independent, not necessarily needing me less, but needing me differently. Will I ever be able to freely walk a child into a milestone knowing that when we walk out of it, we will all be somewhat changed? Yet, isn't that what parenting is all about? While we reflect on the journey from one milestone to another, isn't it good for parents to give thanks for it all?
This school year...wow, this school year was tough. The letting go was not easy...for me or for sweet girl. Sometimes she would shed tears before or during drop-off. Sometimes my tears stayed hidden until she was out of sight, then spilled onto my face as I begged God to ease her mind...and mine. Every time, He did.
God gave my sweet girl some really good days. Days that made her squeal with delight when retelling details of things she learned, songs she sang, friends with whom she played. Days where I was shocked at just how kind she could be to others. Days where I would throw up my hands in praise and thank Him for His goodness.
He allowed her to experience some not so great days. Days where she could barely get into the car before the tears fell from her eyes. Days where she just missed her family. Days where she didn't want to do this learning thing anymore. Days where I would drop to my knees in prayer, begging God to help her heart.
On the good days, we prayed. On the bad days, we prayed. On the ordinary, not all that exciting days, we prayed. He never left her side.
He gently guided as I pondered (over and over and over and over) pulling her out of school and homeschooling. He helped her make friends as I consistently cried out to Him during her recess time for two solid weeks. He held her in His hands when I could not hold her in mine.
This morning, she will march with her classmates into a crowded gymnasium. Her proud eyes will search the crowd until she finds ours. I will fail at trying not to cry. Her Daddy will beam. The oldest little brother will longingly look at the stage while imagining getting to do the very same thing in one short year. The littlest brother...hopefully, he will sleep.
There will be singing. Celebrating a job well done. Clapping from adoring family members. Hugs from teachers and friends. And, just like that, it will be over. Our little girl, the kindergartner whose hand clung to mine as we walked into school on that hot August day, who excitedly walked into her classroom and looked at me with the sweetest expression of delight, will proudly march out of the very same school as a confident first grader. I will cry some more, look up to the sky and whisper to God, "Thank you, God! You did it!" And, He did it so well.
For all of this...ALL of this...Lord, we say thank-you!
Psalm 34:1
I will bless the Lord at all times;
His praise shall continually be in my mouth.
For all of this...ALL of this...Lord, we say thank-you!
Psalm 34:1
I will bless the Lord at all times;
His praise shall continually be in my mouth.
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