I place him in his crib for the second time tonight and I try to ignore the question that pops into my mind as I look at his innocent face. I can't push it out, though and I understand that it needs to be pondered. So, I wonder...
If you were brown, sweet boy, would I even lay you down tonight? Or, would I hold you close for fear of ever letting you go?
The city we love is in unrest. The place where I birthed three beautiful children. Three beautiful, amazing children. Sweet babies who I have wondered so frequently about what their future may be like. Will they want to travel the world? Will they want to change the world? Countless questions all with an undertone of hope and freedom.
If you were brown, sweet boy, would I be able to dream so freely?
This world is scary for all mamas. So much chaos. So much turmoil. So much anger. I sometimes feel guilty for ever wanting to bring children into this madness. But, still...
If you were brown, sweet boy, would the world be even scarier?
While blame is cast from both sides, angry words shouted, hearts broken, lives shattered...I struggle to find my place. How do I help? How do I show love to all? What can I do to let the police officers that live in my neighborhood know that we are behind them as well as the black neighbors that live in the same neighborhood? How do I show friends of color that while I will never be able to understand their plight, I do want to try to understand better? Will they even believe me?
He cries out again and I pick him up. I hold him tight and pray. A prayer for all the mamas holding babies tonight...whether physically in their arms or tightly in their hearts. All the mamas who long for the same things I do: safety, peace, the ability to dream and turn those dreams into reality.
I wipe tears. Tears laced with pain for so many. My child is white. I cannot change that. However, I can change the perception that this mama doesn't care. I will do my part to PROVE I care. Sit on your couch and listen to your fears? OK. Hold your babies up in prayer? No problem. Hug your neck? Absolutely. Give a smile? Always.
Call me naive, but I still believe that love can conquer much. Christ's act of love changed the world. The Bible says above all things, the greatest thing is love. I know it to be true. Love has changed my life.
I lay my footed pajama clad boy back in his crib and smile.
If you were brown, sweet boy, would my love for you be any different?
I smile because I know that answer. Absolutely not. And, as I quietly leave his room, I whisper him a promise...
Sweet boy, I will continue to teach you and your siblings to love fiercely. To spread peace, not hate. To share an encouraging smile, not a vulgar gesture. To choose joy, not anger. I will teach you this not through just words that don't demonstrate, but through actions that do.
1 Corinthians 13: 11-13
When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things. For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I shall know just as I also am known. And now abide faith, hope, love these three; but the greatest of these is LOVE.
If you were brown, sweet boy, would I even lay you down tonight? Or, would I hold you close for fear of ever letting you go?
The city we love is in unrest. The place where I birthed three beautiful children. Three beautiful, amazing children. Sweet babies who I have wondered so frequently about what their future may be like. Will they want to travel the world? Will they want to change the world? Countless questions all with an undertone of hope and freedom.
If you were brown, sweet boy, would I be able to dream so freely?
This world is scary for all mamas. So much chaos. So much turmoil. So much anger. I sometimes feel guilty for ever wanting to bring children into this madness. But, still...
If you were brown, sweet boy, would the world be even scarier?
While blame is cast from both sides, angry words shouted, hearts broken, lives shattered...I struggle to find my place. How do I help? How do I show love to all? What can I do to let the police officers that live in my neighborhood know that we are behind them as well as the black neighbors that live in the same neighborhood? How do I show friends of color that while I will never be able to understand their plight, I do want to try to understand better? Will they even believe me?
He cries out again and I pick him up. I hold him tight and pray. A prayer for all the mamas holding babies tonight...whether physically in their arms or tightly in their hearts. All the mamas who long for the same things I do: safety, peace, the ability to dream and turn those dreams into reality.
I wipe tears. Tears laced with pain for so many. My child is white. I cannot change that. However, I can change the perception that this mama doesn't care. I will do my part to PROVE I care. Sit on your couch and listen to your fears? OK. Hold your babies up in prayer? No problem. Hug your neck? Absolutely. Give a smile? Always.
Call me naive, but I still believe that love can conquer much. Christ's act of love changed the world. The Bible says above all things, the greatest thing is love. I know it to be true. Love has changed my life.
I lay my footed pajama clad boy back in his crib and smile.
If you were brown, sweet boy, would my love for you be any different?
I smile because I know that answer. Absolutely not. And, as I quietly leave his room, I whisper him a promise...
Sweet boy, I will continue to teach you and your siblings to love fiercely. To spread peace, not hate. To share an encouraging smile, not a vulgar gesture. To choose joy, not anger. I will teach you this not through just words that don't demonstrate, but through actions that do.
1 Corinthians 13: 11-13
When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things. For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I shall know just as I also am known. And now abide faith, hope, love these three; but the greatest of these is LOVE.
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