The Refugee Mama

To the mom forced to flee her country to protect her family:

I thought about you this morning when I snuck into my children's rooms to make sure they were sleeping contentedly.  I thought about you as I turned up the heat in our chilly house.  I am thinking of you now as my 4 year old is snuggled closely to his mama.  Listening to his rythmic breathing while he sleeps assures me that all is well and that he is at peace.

I know that is all you are longing for...peace.  Sweet mama, you weigh heavily on my heart.  You may be scared, but you are brave.  You left behind a life with the hope that you could give your child his.  I know it must be painful to look into your children's confused eyes and to try to display confidence in your own.  I am sure not having an answer when your weary child asks when she can return home must cut you to the core.  I cannot begin to imagine your heartache.

Know this... I pray for you.

 Our nation is divided about if we should let you into our country.  Honestly, I don't really pay enough attention to what is going on in this world to even state my opinion.  I was probably one of the last to learn of your plight.  I have that luxury.  I can ignore the news and assume that all is going well because all really is going well in my small world.

This morning, I feel guilty for ignoring your suffering.  You deserve to weigh heavily on my mind.  You should not be ignored by someone, especially another mother, because she doesn't want to stress about your struggle.  I should not be so consumed with scheduling a play date, packing a child's lunch, trying to sleep train a baby, or picking up a massive amount of toys that I don't stop and think of you..and attempt to somehow carry part of your burden.  I am sorry for ignoring you.

This world has some pretty crazy definitions of heroism.  You are a true hero.  You probably feel so far removed from that description, but, precious mama, you are amazing.

So, this morning, because of you, I am going to practice a bit more patience with my own children.  I will show my daughter grace when I have to tell her for the fifteenth time to get dressed.  I will display kindness when my four year old refuses to eat his breakfast.  I will take an extra moment to just enjoy my wiggly baby as I attempt to change his diaper while he tries to roll away.  I will revel in the "chaos" more than in the silence and all the while, I will think of you and pray that, in just a matter of time, my silly little "struggles" will be your only daily issues as well.

Much love and hope for brighter days.

You would be one...

Sometimes on the days when the sky is at its bluest and I can feel the warmth of the sun on my face, I look up and think of you, sweet one.  I wonder what you are doing in Heaven. I know you're safe and happy and probably toddling around the streets of gold.  This truth helps with the pain.  We still miss you. 

As I watch the joyful baby who would have never been if you were allowed to exist here on earth, I realize that God's plan is perfect.  For this child is a blessing and a joy.  And, so are you.  We don't know why God allowed him to be here and you not to be, but we are grateful.  Grateful that we got to know you. Thankful that God loaned you to us for 12 weeks.  It was in your passing that God taught us much.  It is because of you that we empathize and sympathize with those who have walked a similar path.  You are the reason that I am bold in sharing our loss with others.   It's because of you that I look forward to heaven even more than I did before.  One day I will meet you.

Somewhere around late October to now, we would have been throwing you a birthday party.  You would be one.  There will be no balloons or birthday cake right now, but that's OK.  For one thing I have learned is that there is no reason to wonder what you would be doing if God allowed you to join our earthly home.  I don't wonder because it just was not meant to be.  I'm OK with that. 

Today, the sky is gray and the rain is falling.   I look up and think of you and I thank Him.  Thank Him for allowing the heavy rain that came into our lives when we found out that you were already in the arms of Jesus.  The rain was necessary.  It watered us, helped us grow, and gave us a greater appreciation for the sun.

So, little one, know this...you did exactly what you were meant to do here on this earth.  

With all my love,

Mommy