Sunday, January 28, 2018

Hope For Sale

Here's the thing about hope:  you can think it's lost.

You can ask me how I know. 

You can grow impatient in the waiting. Tired of the soul fighting.  Pained because of  battle wounds.  You feel forgotten.  Lost.  Helpless.  Hope vanquishes.  Once you feel hopeless in one area of your life, that hopelessness spreads.  It festers.  Chokes the living right out of you.

"To live without hope is to cease to live." -Fyodor Dostoevsky

Recently I was in my beloved Target.  The toddler was in need of new shoes.  He seemed to grow overnight and every pair at home no longer fit. So there he stood beside me in his worn out, too small shoes.  I was looking at shoes  while singing nursery rhymes to entertain him, and lost in thoughts of a morning conversation with a friend. "What if hope really is lost?" one of us asked.  We agreed, hope is never fully gone until the final breath is breathed.  Probably.

Right there in the shoe section, my boy decided to test his mommy.  He smiled first and then ran.  As I quickly grabbed his arm, I looked up.  Shoes that I had wanted to buy a few weeks before because of the cuteness factor were staring right at me.  Taunting me because this mama refuses to spend $24.99 on toddler shoes that won't fit in a couple months. Plus, it's been a week of unexpected expenses, so in an effort to support the man who supports us, unnecessary spending was not happening.

"Wook, Mama!  Wook at shoes!" He had spotted them, too.  "I want dose shoes!" 

I tried to get him to look at a less expensive pair.  He refused.  Sat down in defiance. 

"I WANT DOSE SHOES!"

I grabbed a pair for him to hold.  Anything to not cause a scene.  It was then I saw the glorious red tag covering the original price.  That tag that has convinced me to buy things I didn't need before because who doesn't love getting something that was $19.99 for $4.99?  I looked to see what the new cost was and almost laughed out loud.  Those $24.99 shoes were marked down to $7.48.  The two pair left hanging were not his size, but my boy was holding the pair that was. 

It's a good thing too, because he had already taken off his worn out shoes and I quickly realized he would walk no more without the new pair on his feet.

We walked around the rest of the store.  The toddler talking about his new shoes and grinning.  Me, grinning at my boy and thinking about my God.  He can take a silly pair of shoes and remind me of His goodness.  Of how He looks out for us.  He can gift me with the exact shoes we both liked for $17.00 less on the same week that we shelled out hundreds of dollars in repairs and suddenly hope springs eternal.  He reminds me that some things are worth the wait.  More special than if I choose to gratify a want right away.  

Sweet boy started to dance and sing:  

"I wike my shoes!  I wike my shoes!" 

His joy was contagious.  Strangers smiled. My heart soared. I almost texted my friend to tell her hope was on sale at Target for $7.48.

Some days hope feels lost.  Some days you find it in the shoe section at Target.  Truth is, ALL days His hope remains steady...even when we forget it's there.








Friday, January 19, 2018

Fresh Slates

A new year.  Fresh hopes.  New goals.  Big dreams.  Plans to live better.

So what happens when you're almost a full three weeks in and realize that the struggle has been a bit too real?  Routines have not been established.  Goals have not been pursued.  Dreams are nowhere closer to being fulfilled than they were on December 31st.  What happens when you have already grown weary of 2018 and are saddened that it doesn't seem to be shaping up to be any better than 2017?  What if you're lost in a sea of grief that still makes you feel as though you're drowning?  What if the habits you wished to get rid of followed you with ferocity when the clock struck midnight on January 1st?  What if your child is still sick and there is no hope of a remedy?  What if you are still battling cancer?  What if you are now jobless?  Newly separated?  What if the hope you had just a few days ago has waned?

What then?

My daughter was crying the other day because someone had walked in the one part of our yard that still had freshly fallen snow.  The rest of the snow in the yard had long been "messed" up with footprints and sled marks and remnants of snowball fights.  This portion, though, she planned to keep "beautiful."  

"Sweet girl, nothing lasts forever.  That beautiful snow is going to melt.  It will be gone in just a couple days.  This snow that has footprints and a snowman and all these marks will melt away, too. What will make you most happy about this day when you remember it later?  Will it be the snow that remained beautiful but that you never touched?  Or will it be the snow that you played in and laughed in and enjoyed?  The snow that made the memories is now not as pretty as the snow that you never walked in, but the memories will carry you through until the next snow fall."

I don't know if she really got it or not, but she stopped crying.  In that moment, I understood this:

Fresh slates are refreshing for the soul and beautiful to look upon. They quickly get mucked up with all that comes with living.  Some of the marks are harsh and sting much like a snowball to the face.  Sometimes you feel like your life is spinning out of control as quickly as you can sled down an icy hill.  There are those moments where you work hard toward your goals and build your legacy piece by piece - kind of like you make a snowman...and sometimes they fall apart much quicker than it took to built.  Other times, there are laughter and joy-filled moments that echo in your soul like the children's laughter echoed through our neighborhood on this winter wonderland-filled day.  There are bad moments and really bad moments.  Good moments and really great moments.  All these moments...all these marks on your slate tell a story of a life lived.  So don't give up if your slate seems "messed" up.  Don't think you need to wait for a new one.  Keep making your marks.  Dig in your heels when you start to slip.  Continue to scrape off the areas that have hardened with time.  Remember that what plagues you now will eventually not sting quite as much.  Cherish the moments that are worth savoring.  Learn from the moments that hurt.  And look up.  Look up to the One who holds the stars.

May the words of this Christian song ring true in your life in 2018:


If You can hold the stars in place
You can hold my heart the same
Whenever I fall away

Whenever I start to break

So here I am, lifting up my heart
If You can calm the raging sea
You can calm the storm in me
You're never too far away
You never show up too late
So here I am, lifting up my heart
To the One who holds the stars



Psalm 147:3-5
He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.
He determines the number of the stars and calls them each by name.
Great is our Lord and mighty in power; His understanding has no limit.










Thursday, January 18, 2018

Emoji Reminder

My mind is filled with thoughts that I want to write down.  So I open up a blank page.  Then my two sons start fighting over a Hokie bird.  We get distracted by a cardboard box and a game of running away from the "Box Man."  I return to my page to simply sign out.  Laughing to myself at thinking that I could ever write a post while my tribe is awake and bored and begging to go outside in the snow when it's not even 20 degrees out there yet.  Anxious thoughts of how to entertain these children all day start to come.  Then...then I see what's written below and while I don't feel like the "best" at anything these days...the sentiment is nice.  So as I go take care of a toddler who is now running around the house naked, my heart is filled with hope and joy and thankfulness for God using my 7-year-old girl and some emojis to remind me that these long days of loving on littles who all have minds of their own is not for naught.

I love you mommy you are the best. Love Addi!❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁❤😁!