This morning, I was in a bad mood...a really bad mood. Not the kind where I was fussing and creating chaos for all those in my path, but the kind where I was feeling sorry for myself and feeling like a failure. This self-pity came raging in last night when I was awakened to the fact that I have characteristics that need to change. Change is necessary for growth, but change is not always fun.
So, I was sulking, "licking my wounds," and throwing a great pity party for the star of the show and the only participant...myself. Because, isn't a pity party better than tackling the necessary? Isn't it more fun than putting in actual work? Isn't it easier than facing the task at hand?
Then what? What comes after the "party" is over? What is accomplished? Much like a real party where a mess remains after, there is a great big pile of trash to deal with after the party ends. The only difference...there is NOTHING to show for it. No sweet memories. No happy faces. It's just a heaping mound of despair, loathing, and anger that is quick to fester and grow if left alone.
Even knowing that, there I sat, celebrating by myself. I was about to open a big present of "woe is me" when I heard the scream. My littlest guy stood there, looking at me for help and crying while his chubby, little fingers remained stuck in a drawer. A quick opening of the drawer and mommy kisses on his sweet hand were enough to turn his face of pain into a face of joy again as he toddled to find something else to get into.
It was then that I asked myself, why am I stuck here? Why am I acting worse than my child does when he is in actual pain? Why can't I just do like him and look to the One who can help release my pain. Why can't I see that a simple touch from Him is all I need to move on?
So I snuck into the bathroom - where every mama will admit is a good place to escape...er, pray - and I asked God to forgive me for my silly ways and to help me have the self-discipline to change in the areas I need to. Then, I thanked Him. As I thanked Him for all the things I could think of, my pity party turned into a praise party. And, tears of joy fell from my eyes as I saw the same little hands he used to get my attention, slip under the door. God's precious reminder to me of these verses:
Psalm 37:23-24 The LORD directs the steps of the godly. He delights in every detail of their lives. Though they stumble, they will never fall, for the LORD holds them by the hand.
So, I was sulking, "licking my wounds," and throwing a great pity party for the star of the show and the only participant...myself. Because, isn't a pity party better than tackling the necessary? Isn't it more fun than putting in actual work? Isn't it easier than facing the task at hand?
Then what? What comes after the "party" is over? What is accomplished? Much like a real party where a mess remains after, there is a great big pile of trash to deal with after the party ends. The only difference...there is NOTHING to show for it. No sweet memories. No happy faces. It's just a heaping mound of despair, loathing, and anger that is quick to fester and grow if left alone.
Even knowing that, there I sat, celebrating by myself. I was about to open a big present of "woe is me" when I heard the scream. My littlest guy stood there, looking at me for help and crying while his chubby, little fingers remained stuck in a drawer. A quick opening of the drawer and mommy kisses on his sweet hand were enough to turn his face of pain into a face of joy again as he toddled to find something else to get into.
It was then that I asked myself, why am I stuck here? Why am I acting worse than my child does when he is in actual pain? Why can't I just do like him and look to the One who can help release my pain. Why can't I see that a simple touch from Him is all I need to move on?
So I snuck into the bathroom - where every mama will admit is a good place to escape...er, pray - and I asked God to forgive me for my silly ways and to help me have the self-discipline to change in the areas I need to. Then, I thanked Him. As I thanked Him for all the things I could think of, my pity party turned into a praise party. And, tears of joy fell from my eyes as I saw the same little hands he used to get my attention, slip under the door. God's precious reminder to me of these verses:
Psalm 37:23-24 The LORD directs the steps of the godly. He delights in every detail of their lives. Though they stumble, they will never fall, for the LORD holds them by the hand.
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