You would be one...

Sometimes on the days when the sky is at its bluest and I can feel the warmth of the sun on my face, I look up and think of you, sweet one.  I wonder what you are doing in Heaven. I know you're safe and happy and probably toddling around the streets of gold.  This truth helps with the pain.  We still miss you. 

As I watch the joyful baby who would have never been if you were allowed to exist here on earth, I realize that God's plan is perfect.  For this child is a blessing and a joy.  And, so are you.  We don't know why God allowed him to be here and you not to be, but we are grateful.  Grateful that we got to know you. Thankful that God loaned you to us for 12 weeks.  It was in your passing that God taught us much.  It is because of you that we empathize and sympathize with those who have walked a similar path.  You are the reason that I am bold in sharing our loss with others.   It's because of you that I look forward to heaven even more than I did before.  One day I will meet you.

Somewhere around late October to now, we would have been throwing you a birthday party.  You would be one.  There will be no balloons or birthday cake right now, but that's OK.  For one thing I have learned is that there is no reason to wonder what you would be doing if God allowed you to join our earthly home.  I don't wonder because it just was not meant to be.  I'm OK with that. 

Today, the sky is gray and the rain is falling.   I look up and think of you and I thank Him.  Thank Him for allowing the heavy rain that came into our lives when we found out that you were already in the arms of Jesus.  The rain was necessary.  It watered us, helped us grow, and gave us a greater appreciation for the sun.

So, little one, know this...you did exactly what you were meant to do here on this earth.  

With all my love,

Mommy