When You're Called To Do The Difficult

His 15-month-old face scrunches up and I realize my mistake.  I grabbed his brother's cup filled with lemonade.  And, to this baby who has only ever known milk and water, the taste is sour.  I pause and wonder...if I could see inside my soul, is that the face I would see? Lips pursed, body shuddering, face scrunched?

Bitterness has stolen my peace.  Animosity has robbed me of my joy.  My heart is hard and my stance is firm.  With arms crossed, I refuse to pray about what is causing my angst.  "No, Lord. Not for that person.  Or that one.  They don't deserve my prayers."

In my stubbornness, I have remained bitter.  Furious at them.  Then, this.  Then, that.  Before I know it, I'm waking up anxious.  Fighting to catch breaths.  This anger is turning me against everything.  No longer do I know that "God's got this" all I know is that "I must fix this."

This has gone on for a few weeks and there is a reason this blog has been silent.  How can I say anything good, when this bitter taste is constantly in my mouth?  Bitterness is defined as lack of sweetness, anger, disappointment, resentment.  I would say that's accurate.  I would say that I am experiencing it all.

Finally, in desperation, I reach out for help from a wise woman whom I respect deeply.  She listens and in a gentle tone asks me this, "Are you praying for them?"  Through the course of our conversation, I realize that the way God is choosing to take this cup from me is to do that which I do not want to do...pray for my "enemies."

I HAVE to do the hard thing so that I can have peace.

Am I OK with that?  Can I do it?  Can I sincerely ask God to bless those who are wrong?  Can I trust that He will make it right?

How can I not?

Two years ago, we were consumed with grief from a miscarriage.  He made it beautiful in His time.  A year later, I was consumed with guilt over dropping my 10 week old baby a month earlier.  He made it beautiful in His time.  Ecclesiastes 3 tells us that to everything there is a season.  I don't like this season.  I'd rather pass it by and move on to sunnier days.  Yet, His promises are true and this I do know...He is going to make it beautiful in His time.

So, I kneel.  Face to the ground, I pray.  My heart has not yet softened, but the peace begins to flow.  The glimmer of brighter days is ahead.  As I reach for Him, He will pull me out. BUT...I HAVE to reach.  The way I reach out is by crying out...not for me, but for them.  Just as my baby's expression softens as he finally sips his water, my heart will do the same...in HIS time.  I am "tasting and seeing" that He is good. (Psalm 34:8)

Is He asking you to do a hard thing?  Maybe, like me, it's to pray for someone who is wrong.  Maybe, it's calling that friend.  Maybe, it's being still.  Will you trust Him?  Trust Him to make it beautiful in HIS time???

Proverbs 3

5 Trust God from the bottom of your heart; don't try to figure out everything on your own. 

6 Listen for God's voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; He's the one who will keep you on track.